Friday, April 17, 2009

You spy your long time love laying eggs in the wilderness one evening

These tables really have nothing to do with B/X or Valley of Blue Snails. Rather just anecdotal write-ups for my own amusement. I am fond of random tables, probably a side effect of growing up with AD&D.

Anyhow, this is the follow up to the traumatic childhood background generator. Onwards to the Traumatic Adolescent Background Generator:

New ability score deriving physical appearance, roll 3d6. Discard this ability score at the end of adolescence. The memory will always haunt you however.

3 – Exiled from the village for being not of your race
4 – Ruthlessly tormented and forced to wear bag over head
5 – Beaten at random intervals for no apparent reason
6-8 – Brought along by your good-looking friends to stand next too
8-11 – Non-descript and utterly forgettable
12-14 - 1 in d4 chance to have a stalker (roll on Hirelings table)
15-16 – 1-3 in d4 chance to have a stalker (roll on Hirelings table)
17 – Ritualistically beaten by far uglier peers and family
18 – Extremely paranoid from lurid looks and random gropings from entire village

The Wisdom for an adolescent can never be above 12. If the modified Wisdom is 0 or under, it is assumed the PC has gotten themselves killed in a spectacularly stupid manner.

1 – minus 6 (permanent injury incurred caused by lack of wisdom)
2 – minus 5 (temporary injury incurred caused by lack of wisdom)
3 – minus 4 (several scars caused by lack of wisdom)
4 – minus 3
5 – minus 2
6 – minus 1 (remarkably unscarred)

Aka – gullible friends. They will be available as future hirelings. Roll once unless your Charisma modifier is 0 (then you have no friends).

1 – An ill-tempered marmot capable of using tools but can not speak
2 – Friend of opposite sex, extremely attractive with no interest in you what-so-ever
3 – Lost Ogre who stays in the woods, friendly because you bring him small furry animals
4 – Disguised Fey creature entertaining himself for a few years
5 – Friend of same race, exact same interests, skills and traumas
6 – Friend of the same race, wholly inept
7 – A completely innocent, pure, and gullible friend of the same race
8 – Friend of the same race, who is better than you at just about everything
9 – A hopping bird with a smug look on its face
10 – Friend of different race, wholly inept
11 –The lone survivor of a decadent and extinct race
12 – Friend of different race, who is better than you at just about everything
13 – Some old hermit that follows you around
14 – A colony of lepers
15 – A dog that never stops barking
16 – A foreigner who can not speak your language but is remarkably loyal.
17 – The village retard with freakish strength
18 – Young orphan kid with a knack of finding snares and traps
19 – A blood-crazed and insane Knight who calls you ‘liege’
20 – A half-man half-cat that hides in your addict. Howls incessantly at the moon.

‘Trade skill’ is any knowledge applicable towards making a living. Fishing, begging, carpentry, pick pocketing, flogging, scribing, hole-digging, and so forth. Roll once.

1 – PC incapable of learning anything useful (hence their future career as adventurer)
2 – Trade skill learned but turns out to be wholly inept in any application
3 – Single trade skill learned and mastered
4-5 – No trade skills learned, but cursory knowledge of a great many things
6-8 – Two trade skills learned and re-roll (ignore 1)
9-10 – Two trade skills learned
11-12 – Single trade skilled learned

Roll as many times as your Intelligence language modifier allows (0-3 times usually). Player or DM choose the language they wish to learn, results below.

1 – Gibberish, the language was made up by a hard-up or insane instructor
2 – Language learned, but different language than intended
3 – Language learned with strangely alluring dialect
4-5 – Language learned and mastered with fluency as if born with it
6-8 – Language learned remedially, many words have entirely different meaning than what you think they do
9-10 – Language can be written and read, but unable to pronounce
11 – Language learned, and can understand all similar languages
12 –Language learned with annoying and irritating dialect

Count the number of odd dice rolls thus far. Roll on this table that many times (1-5 usually).

1 – Re-roll twice and combine the events. Ignore 1.
2 – Re-roll. You learn an appropriate trade skill from applicable event.
3-5 – Horror Event
6-8 – Romance Event
9-11 – Adventure Event
12 – Weird/Other Event


1 – Head stuck in a hole in ground for 1d8 days. Something licks your legs periodically during your entrapment.
2 – Deranged hermit pulling a cart with unidentified meat follows you around at night for 1d4 years
3 – Walking barnacles abscond 1d4 members of your family and are never seen again
4 – Tawdry and irksome fey spirit prevents you from getting a good nights rest for 1d4 years
5 – Any deceased siblings or family reanimate and haunt your village periodically
6 – Another is blamed for a crime that you commit and is burned on a pyre. A revenant in a twisted amalgam of fire and that person seeks to slay you twice a year
7 – A Kalevope culls the lands around your dwelling once a year, no matter where you live
8 – A priest inadvertently turns you with his turn undead ability. It appears to effect you
9 – Strange ticks grow under you skin and must be burned out lest they multiply
10 – A wingless forest drake smashes your dwelling while you are not home and devours all inside. It used the remaining timbers for its nest
11 – A horrid Nakki drags you into its stagnant pool and forces you to clean the bones of its victims. In 1d6 years you manage to escape with many horrible tales.
12 – A water nymph enslaves you but is utterly boring. You are released 1d4 years later with few tales to tell.
13 – A group of carnivorous ape-men ransack your village leaving you as the only survivor
14 – Nomadic Frog-Yetis encamp near your village causing much horror and strife for 1d6 months. By the time they leave over half of the village is dead or maimed.
15 – You are enslaved by the Carpmen of Raelenac and forced to scrape abalone shells on a Meglo-Coy for 1d4 years before escaping.
16 – A small but playful Trent ensnares your legs in its roots. It does not release you for 1d4 months.
17 – You fall down a sinkhole permeated with the remnants of Vaunderfel, the Great Spring. You age in reverse until reborn into a different being (re-roll stats and race). This occurs within 1d4 months time and none recognize you after.
18 – Desert raiders enslave your village forcing you to act as pack animals. You escape 1d6 years later.
19 – An old and forgotten being of enormous power is released from its bygone prison by your meddling. It promises to repay you someday, searing your mind as it communicates.
20 – While sleeping in the wilderness you get enveloped by a Sky-Shell and live within a pocket of air and fluids inside of the creature for 1d6 months before escaping.


1 – You have absolutely no romance in your adolescence and are mocked ceaselessly by your peers
2 – Desert raiders abscond you into slavery, forcing you act as a pleasure slave in the profane Ziggurats of the Man-Bull. You are released 1d4 years later. Gain a trade skill.
3 – The sexually frustrated Elf maids from the Village of Two Stars kidnap and fight with one another over mating rituals for 1d4 years. Still unresolved, you eventually escape.
4 – A moonlight date to some abandoned ruins result into running for life from crazed flesh-eating Halflings. Your date has 1 in d4 chance of escaping and naming you hero.
5 – A walk on the shores of nearby lake with your date results in a tribe of intelligent sand-crabs worshiping you both as a god.
6 – A winged fey creature becomes infatuated with you for 1d4 years, following you day and night
7 – Your hireling falls madly in love with you (applicable if you rolled on the hireling table, otherwise re-roll)
8 – You are forced into an arrange marriage by your family, roll for race and birthright of new family
9 – You fall madly in love with a Knights squire. The belligerent Knight hates you at first sight. They quickly travel away but you vow to find them one day (squire can be male or female or any race)
10 – An orphan vagrant falls madly in love you with and follows you around until death
11 – You find a potential mate to be amazingly beautiful and attractive. Everyone else you speak with talks about this person as if they are the ugliest person in the village
12 – The one you love cares not for you. An ancient family text speaks of a mushroom from the Great Rot that will infatuate all who look upon you should you devour it. A map of the location of where these mushrooms can be found are located in the book.
13 – A rival courtier of the one you love challenges you to a duel. You accept and accidentally geld the person. None in the village will be seen with you now.
14 – A wizard/sorceress falls in love you with you and is constantly changing their shape into alluring forms to gain your love.
15 – When finally alone with your date, you inexplicable turn into a fox-beast and attempt to devour them. None believe the tale.
16 – A wayward spirit steals a part of your spirit. You can feel no love nor lust until you retrieve it from them.
17 – You awake one morning married in Astrumdantalas with a mate of ill-repute whom you never recall meeting.
18 – An ogre of the opposite sex finds you and drags you off to their cave. You barely escape the event, but still hear forlorn cries from that area of the wilderness to this day.
19 – You awake most mornings with smallish fey creatures cuddled against you. They leave tiny offerings of flowers, sweet food and perfumes.
20 – You spy your long time love laying eggs in the wilderness one evening.


1 – The PC finds a nest with an opal-eyed fox in it. The fox follows the PC around and attempts to remove the skin from my other humanoids its comes across
2 – You follow some singing in the distance and find several of the village females dancing and singing around huge nodding toad. The women flee if confronted, but the toad-thing speaks to you of fantastic adventures to the far south.
3 – You find a pole in the wilds that climbs higher than you see. You climb it as far as you can but it appears to be endless.
4 – While traveling six screaming men run past you with ruined clothing and smoldering hair. One of them drops a half-burned tome that speaks of an underground desert.
5 – A traveling Bard plays a song of a Bard trapped in a keep who is forced to play music to keep an angry tribe of man-eating bears asleep. The next day when you speak of the Bard none know what or who you speak of.
6 – While swimming in a lake you find a large tablet of polished coral. You drag it up the surface and see upon it a miniature city of incredible detail. The city appears to be abandoned but you see tiny sculptures of minuscule shrimp among the coral.
7 – After stealing a shield from a wandering Knight, a magic mouth follows you endlessly insulting you in many strange tongues. A wizard agree to remove the magic mouth, but only if you find him some rare grasses from the Valley of Endless Summer.
8 – A colony of lepers imposes themselves into the center of town unless the PC find them a new home.
9 – The fields of rye turn ashen and start to rot from the ground up. On your land you find a small cave leading under the fields of rye.
10 – As penance for committing an act of heresy, the local Priest-Lord send you on a quest to find an ancient knight an honorable death in combat. He puts emphasis on ‘honorable’. (Gain ancient knight as henchman until he has found an honorable death)
11 – A troupe of Marggots build a carnival some miles away and the village sends you to find out what it is all about.
12 – A fetid and diseased rhino stumbles near your home. When dealing with the creature it vomits a ruby encrusted bracer (value 500g). When worn the PC hears faint chuckling.
13 – A huge flightless birds runs into your dwelling, takes your most valuable possession in its beak and flees and blurring speed. You track it the best you can but you only know it headed towards a thicket of foreboding woods that none enter.
14 – While near a waterfall you think you saw a pair of feline eyes behind it. Exploring behind the water fall you see a crevice that sinks into the depths. You also find a huge discarded cat-claw larger than you are.
15 – While looking for a camping site you come across a meadow with a dozen Dwarves that appear to be sleeping. They all are simply overcome with lethargy and stare upwards. When you look upwards you see a low hanging cloud with a near invisible rope hanging down.
16 – A theater troupe stages a play that insults the local lord. All are due to be executed in a week unless they can make the lord laugh. They are all foreigners who can not speak the native language. Only you can translate for them.
17 – A group of pygmies wearing feather-clothing jumps out as you walk on a road and toss spears at you, some wounding you. When they hear your angry cries they flee up the tall trees. You can see platforms in the high canopy.
18 – A PC is given the deed to a pawn-shop in a nearby city. The store is in complete shambles, vagrants often use it to sleep in, and a crazy dwarf lives in the walls.
19 – A crazed Tyrannosaurus assault your village and you miraculously defeat with legendary bravery and guile. The local lord is so impressed he sends you on mission after mission of nearly suicidal quests.
20 – A half-man half-raccoon stumbles towards you camp, lets out and chattering sound then tosses a pouch of regurgitated seeds in your lap. Before you can respond it flees to a taboo vale that none enter.


1 – A fey creature leaves a child at your door step. (if taken) the child grows to adulthood in 1d4 years, looking exactly like you
2 – While working you see a cat standing on a strange pillow that flies above the ground. If followed it eventually lifts off high into the night sky
3 – While in a drunken brawl, a wounded friend appear to be bleeding water. When closely inspected they flee. When met the following day they pass it off as you being drunk
4 – A sullen painter asks you to pose for a portrait. After a few hours he starts screaming and runs off never to be seen again. The painting is of you sitting upon a bronze throne with ruby-eyed imps prostrating themselves at your feet
5 – You find a Cudgel like weapon wrought from fossilized wood embedded in the side of a hill The Cudgel is larger than your dwelling
6 – Your friend swears on his life that he saw the chair in his room beat the snot out of his table. His table appears to be in shambles and the chair looks remarkably smug
7 – When coming home one day you find a group of six trilobites carrying your (most valuable possession) under your dwelling
8 – A saber-tooth cat will periodically jump on your back out of no where, give you a quick mauling, and then scamper off leaving only superficial wounds
9 – After bathing in a small pond of tranquil and serene water your notice your hair is remarkably full, flowing and vibrant. It grows quickly past your shoulders and the slightest wind bellows it heroically
10 – After traveling to a cave you once found when a child, you find a skeleton of a child. Long since dead, a pair old cloths it wore that appear exactly like the ones that you once owned
11 – You find a tomb made of fossilized wood with strange glyphs carved upon it. After studying the glyphs you think you can read it, but hear ghostly sounds when you start to do so
12 – While traveling on a long forgotten road you come across a coaching-inn. You open the door and see fey and goblinoid creatures enraptured in a wild scene of debauchery and unspeakable acts. You flee but the scene in seared into your mind
13 – In your travels you find a huge flowering plant with a large silver sphere in the center of the flower. (if removed) The orb transforms into a malicious leprechaun that torments you at in opportune times with song and dance
14 – You find a geyser that erupts erratically, sometimes days, sometimes months apart. When showered by the geyser you gain great insights (+1d4 Int and Wis for 1 week).
15 – While tracking your lost horse, you find a tar infested canyon hidden in the wilds. Deep within you find your horse being eaten by a diseased and featherless Ruhk.
16 – You awake one morning with your feet painted red an a adorned crook at your side (value 150g). Occasionally you can see odd looking crickets in the trees above you peering in your direction.
17 – A carpet of rolling moss implants false memories into your head as you walk upon it. (roll again on the Adolescence Events Table, this event is merely a false memory)
18 – A small duck billed Hadrosaurid will periodically approach you when it thinks you are asleep and clean any parasites from your skin and hair. This is strangely soothing and does not wake you.
19 – After using a bar of soap given to you by a Dwarven trader, all of your body hair falls out. If eaten, the soap changes your gender.
20 – Lichen grows prolifically on a notably comfortable pair of boots you own and must be scraped daily to be kept clean. The lichen is eatable albeit not very tasty.

I am not sure if I will delve into adult events or not. I am getting a bit loopy after that last batch, and lets face it, adult life is boring anyhow.


  1. Hah! I like this very much indeed. Never let it be said that the teenaged years are boring --

  2. Wow, this is so weird and wonderful that I had to retroactively throw in a link here on one of my own blog postings about my dream character generation system (

    Kudos, look forward to what you have in store for young adults, your own reservations aside.

  3. "A half-man half-cat that hides in your addict." I hope you meant "attic" because the alternative is just too disturbing to contemplate, yet given the results of these tables it would fit either way. Brilliant.