FEAST!

Otter’s post at Huge Pile spoke of having to spend gold to gain experience, which it very much in line with the type of feel I would like for my games.  I have a tavern map in fact that is probably the most-used map that I have for all of my gaming. 

 So here is some feast-fluff:

BEST FOOD/DRINK AVAILABLE, D20

Description of average meal followed by max cost. City/village size should adjust this roll appropriately.

1.       Pond water and skimmed algae.  Pile of unidentifiable ocher paste.  1c
2.       Pies made out of deer waste and yeast. Wilting celery with celery paste. Milky water. 2c
3.       Goat hooves marinated in brine.  Boiled water. Wheat stalks with beeswax.   3c
4.       Beet gelatin on flatbread.  Soaked pine-cones with melon drippings.  Clean water.   5c
5.       Small, whole fishes cooked with onions and raisins.  Water with mint.  Hard grainy bread.  8c
6.       Cored pears baked with an egg. Oil and pepper soup with live fish swimming within.  Root grog. 1s
7.       Salted corn husks filled with leeks with apricots.  Hard and dark baked bread.  Saltwater grog. 2s
8.       Green and Banian bean soaking in buttered milk. Grape leaves and oil, salted and spiced. Mustard rum.                3s
9.       Pine kernels mixed with minced eggs and cabbage. Soup with chicken feathers, carrots and broth. Coriander and dill laced ale.      4s
10.   Ginger, dates and pine nuts with cooked groats.  Stew with spiced potatoes, goat broth and corn. Ale, mead or grog.      5s
11.   Lamb cutlets in liebstoeckl, baked with cumin.  Fresh green beans with mussels and hazelnuts.   Ale, mead, wine or grog.      8s
12.   Peasant half with corned biscuits.  Vinegar egg-yolks with apples.  Fine stew with chicken, mixed vegetables and spices.  Ale, mead, wine, rum, brandy or grog.                   1g
13.   Crab with honeyed-potatoes. Rue with flatbread and thyme.  Peppered chowder with shrimp and vigaments. Hard cheese as desired. Ale, mead, beer, wine, rum, brandy or grog.                2g
14.  Mutton filled-grape rolls with lard and anise seed.  Mashed beans with lentils, sweet peas, chickpeas with a slide of oil and olives. Stout Ale, mead, beer, wine, port, rum, brandy or grog. 3g
15.   Skewered hare with pomegranates. Dried figs with sugar.  Beechnuts and cabbage.  Fine cheese with white bread. Stout Ale, mead, beer, wine, port, rum, brandy, barleywine or grog.       5g
16.   Whole grilled piglet or Kobold tail stuffed with salt, vinegar and grass peas.  Fine cheese melted over flat bread with tomatoes and garlic.  Sturgeon soup with sardines and white wine base.  Stout Ale, metheglin mead, beer, wine, port, rum, cider, gin, brandy, barleywine .            20g
17.   Buttered beef rack with ewe cheese and salted plantains.  Giant Ant soup in sweet oil and bay leaves. Svirneblin cake with raisins. Fruit brandy, metheglin mead, beer, wine, port, rum, cider, gin, or barleywine .             100g
18.   Baked song-birds or Stirges perched on the snout of a swordfish.  Marinated eels in goose yokes and pine nuts (eel numbs the tongue). Herbed bisque of tuna and mulliten.  Fruit brandy, absinthe, mead, beer, wine, port, rum, cider, gin, or barleywine .             250g
19.   Basilisk or Gryphon rack spiced with the finest of herbs, served in a tame mimic.  Black pudding pudding sweetened with black sugar and cinnamon.  Dragon-turtle soup with sliced shreakers and shallots.  Fruit brandy, absinthe, sparkling wine,  Grig milk, port, rum, cider, Violet Fungus liquor, or barleywine .                 2,500g
20.   Phoenix stuffed with persimmons that mews when eaten – heated under an enslaved fire mephit. Owlbear digits and gold-leafed Bulette fins marinated in sweetened figs and Sylph tears. Mermaid larvae soup, trussed with Naga milk and Couatl oil.  Fruit brandy, absinthe, sparkling wine, distilled broken dreams, palm wine, port, Grig milk, cider, Bailigin (purple worm vomit), or barleywine  - in cups that walk to the drinker.       5,000g+

BEST REVELING COMPANION(S) AVAILABLE D20
Charisma modified may adjust this if applicable

1.       A mostly dead leper who lost his lower jaw.  He only emits pitiable moans.
2.       A vagrant  old man who will agree to revel if you promise to dig him a grave
3.       A one-armed gnome who enjoys pulling out your arm-hair at awkward times
4.       Orphans who continually beg for food and shoes
5.       A yellow stripped cat with human-like eyes that draws woman with its pristine coat
6.       A runt of an Ogre that is fond of throwing people out of windows
7.       Sausage vendor with nothing better to do, always carries a sausage in one hand
8.       Lost foreign diplomat who does not speak the local language, assumes you are the leader of the people
9.       An animated stool which follows you around
10.   Group of sailors who keep calling you ‘lumb nips’
11.   A parrot which speaks curses and returns occasionally with money and discrete articles of clothing
12.   A disguised kobold who somehow came into riches and looks to you on how to properly spend it
13.   Bunta, beautiful barbarian woman who attempts to slay any other female who gets too close to you
14.  Cult of albino Elves in pure white robes out for a night on the town – they apparently know many hidden where the finest mild altering drugs are sold
15.   A Halfling riding a large basset hound who serves drinks with a ladle and a bucket
16.   Noble with a heavy purse, wishing merely to hear your tales which later becomes a best selling novel
17.   Three dwarf-lords with a trove of treasure wanting an exotic drinking companion for the evening
18.   Infatuated theater troupe who sings a theme song where ever you go
19.   School of Magical Arts for young ladies from ages 16 to 24 whose tyrannical school mistress recently perished while on a study abroad trip
20.   Throgginor the Great Debaucher, high priest of missing nights – on the greatest holy day for his religion of the millennium.


ORDINARY EVENTS D20
As applicable

1.      You get lost in your revelry and find a new wondrous location in the city
2.      In your revelry you board the wrong ship/ wagon/ coach/ inn room
3.      Accidentally buy stolen goods (50% of being noticed with them)
4.      Stray cat or dog follows you and occasionally begs for food
5.      New romance with local dalliance
6.      Foolish behavior marks you with the local arbiters who track your movements
7.      1d6 new enemies
8.      1d6 new loyal friends
9.      New habit; beverage, drug or gambling
10.  New retaining or hireling
11.  Friends make utter fool of you while you are passed out
12.  Massive bar fight! 3d20 participate in a melee with non lethal weapons.  6d100g in damage is incurred
13.  Minor bar fight! 1d6 participants in a melee with non lethal weapons.  1d100g in damages
14.  Gambling binge, roll a 1d6.  If you roll a 1, gain 1d1000g. Otherwise loose 1d1000g.
15.  Beaten and robbed, loose any obvious gold and jewels on your person
16.  New Tattoo, random location and type
17.  Romantic misunderstanding, gain a new (unwanted) romance
18.  Criminal misunderstanding, you are now in jail for a minor offense (1d4 weeks or 1d100g)
19.  Class misunderstanding, you are now in jail for insulting a noble (1d4 weeks or 1d100g)
20.  No ordinary hangover, you gain -2 to all rolls for 1d4 days

ODD EVENTS D20
Should the DM wish things to indeed be eventful..

1.       Man flees the outhouse screaming of a monster living therein (a very upset Dryad who has awoken from her hibernation )
2.       Food is served from a municipal jar with imbues a sense of insight and focus you have never felt. Guests form a symposium who drink and speak of philosophy and grand questions.  A new government or spiritual movement is formed that night with you as the leader.
3.       Colored powder is tossed  from reveler to reveler – traditionally thought to ward infertility away.  Most all revelers are coated head to toe in yellows, purples, blues and so forth.
4.       Local revelers engage in constant eye-gazing, fixating one person for an hour or more staring into their eyes without talking. You are unable to lie after this for 1d4 weeks.
5.       Establishment owner dies clutching his chest.  Looking straight at you, he wills the establishment to you with his last breath – while his entire family looks on in horror.
6.       You see yourself walk into the establishment, order a drink and speak to some travelers.  When you approach ‘you’ their face quickly changes in a sickly fluid manner into another person’s face.  (doppelganger)
7.       You and your friends awaken on a ship of cat-people who enslave you dance and juggle at their hidden and bizarre tent-city
8.       Local priest enter the establishment and declare it a holy day of hedonism and demand an immediate mass-orgy.  Priests sprinkle flowers on participants.  (PCs can flee)
9.       You find a finger bone in your rum.  If you search out the source, you find the ancient cask which was recently opened and if searched, a full skeleton inside.  A rum-soaked map is jammed down the skeleton’s throat. The map is of a hidden isle to the far south east.
10.   A patrol of baboons enter the establishment in a berserk flurry.  They grab throw a rock at your head that is inscribed with a time and place.  The baboons then flee.
11.   You awaken on a giant turtle who calmly floats in a pond. On the far side of the pond is a massive ruin of stone buildings mashed between two huge standing boulders.  You can find your way home in 1d6 days but are only able to find your way back if you map it meticulously.
12.   A moose walk into the establishment and eats from your plate.  It is in no rush to leave.  It will let you use it as a mount, although it never runs faster than a canter.
13.   It begins to rain with a thick mist.  When the mist clears the establishment is in another city far, far away.
14.   A Halfing slices your hamstring with a deadly sharp dagger (1d6 dmg, ½ move for 1 week) and says, “Whoas-hit! Wrong Human!” and he scampers off, “Sorry!”.
15.   A black pudding has awoken and attacks through various cracks and crevasses from the floor boards of the establishment.  At first small animals are wrenched through areas of the floor, then people.
16.   You awaken in a field surrounded by mushrooms and large toads. A smallish toad lifts a flower by the stem and croaks loudly, and all of the toads bow to you.  Every now and then when you camp in the wilderness you find regurgitated fish and berries by your pillow.
17.   A Bard screams loudly after drinking the mead and begins to peel away his flesh.  In 1d4 rounds he turns into a zombie and mindlessly attacks patrons.  Anyone damaged likewise turns into a zombie and is likewise contagious.
18.   A man in a hood enters the establishment, calmly walks behind someone and slits their throat, slaying them.  No one appears to notice except you. You notice his hands are like tiger-paws.
19.   You happen to look under the tables at the establishment and see a very large slug under each table.  If you harm or disturb one, everyone in the establishment enters into an insane and berserk fury.
20.   You awaken on a flying Pegasus, nude, with someone’s severed head in one hand and banner of unknown origin in the other.